Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
