ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
