the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
