Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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