Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
