i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
