bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
