i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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