I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
