I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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