dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
