So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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