i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize