ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
