you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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