I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize