It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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