He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
