I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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