I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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