On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
