She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
