Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
