it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
