Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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