I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
