Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
