Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
