Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
