dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
even my farts smell like vagina
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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