Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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