Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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