i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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