I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
