Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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