Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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