M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
