Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
