WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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