So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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