If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
