She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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