girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
