If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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