First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
