When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
