He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
