I hate all girls vehemently.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
