Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
