i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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