Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
