I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
