as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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