what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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