My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
