I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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