Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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