so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
