Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
