Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
