i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
