Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
