Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
