I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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