just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
