I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
