i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Say something about gay babies.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
