I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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